Striving Hope and Passion
by rockin-da-world-4eva
Summary: Facing the worst part of her summer she becomes desperite for help. Hermione's summer has turned her aganst everyone and the most unlikely people are there for her. She is also not who we all thought she was. WARNING: Self Harm and Child Abuse
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: **This is my first Harry Potter story on here, so please don't hate. I'd like to thank my Beta-Reader. Without her you all would see a lot more mstakes. This _is _a true story with real events, so please respect this fact.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter and characters (yet) although I am stealing them (and altering them a little) for the purpose of this story only.

**_I like to dedicate this to my friend..._**

**_For letting me use her story and share it with the world..._**

* * *

"Miss Granger!" Snape sneered; the Slytherins snickered at her as she was being scowled.

Hermione looked up shocked and slightly flinched. She almost spilled her potion onto the floor. She gulped, "Sorry Professor."

"Ten points from Gryffindor." Snape had seen her slight flinch, but ignored it for now, for he thought that she just surprised at what she had almost done.

Hermione sighed and cursed herself mentally. Why had she let herself get distracted so easily? _Concentrate Hermione and don't let that distract you...he can't get you here..._

Hermione tried to go back to concentrating on her potion, though she still found it rather difficult to do so. Instead of blowing up the potion she stopped and sighed gently.

"Miss Granger!" Hermione flinched slightly and looked up. "Why have you stopped? I have not instructed anyone to stop." Snape sneered.

Hermione looked at him with some fear in her eyes. She saw his face, the face of her tormentor.

Snape immediately saw the fear in her eyes and narrowed his eyes, "Ten more points from Gryffindor and see me after class."

Hermione nodded silently. She pushed her potion away from her and cleaned up her area. Opening her potions book she dreaded each second as it ticked by toward the end of the class.

Her mind quickly was dragged away to another subject as she traced the scars under her left sleeve waiting for the end of class and remembering the previous summer. Sure summer wasn't always the best, but this past one was the worst.

He, her stepfather, had finally hit her mother. Hermione witnessed enough to see what was going on.

Sure he had not been civil to her at all. He had been verbally abused her from square one. She had not thought of it until a year ago, her 5th year. She denied this though, not wanting to believe this was all true. Almost everything brought back flashbacks; Snape, Malfoy, and a bunch of little things.

She felt someone watching her and she looked up, it was Snape. Looking around she realized that everyone had left and she mentally kicked herself for her letting herself get caught up in her thoughts.

Snape stood in front of her desk and looked at her, "Let's just get right to the point here Miss Granger. What's wrong?"

Hermione looked at him sort of surprised, _does he really care? No, he is the_ _Potions Master and Greasy git, he wouldn't care._

But something in his eyes told her that he did, at least slightly anyway. She looked away, she knew better than let him look into her eyes, he is a skilled Legilimens.

His face roughened as he continued to look at her. He could see her hands begin to fumble around shakily and caressing her left arm_. It's a sign…a sign that there is something..._He would here her breathes deepen and saw the tears weld up into her eyes.

How she wanted to cry right there and then, but she couldn't, she'd be looked upon as weak. She wouldn't, she couldn't show that she was weak, at all costs.

Snape watched her, she was avoiding answering as long as she could, he knew this.

"I can not help you Miss Granger if you don't tell."

Hermione shook her head and trembled, "No."

"No what Miss Granger?" he was getting somewhere, he got her to talk.

Hermione closed her eyes holding the tears in. She moved her hands under the desk and onto her lap, her nails digging into her palm trying to seal out the pain creating crescent moons.

"Just no," all the time she begged for help and now that is was sitting right in front of her and she couldn't do it. Was it to protect him or was she a coward like he said she was.

Snape furrowed his eyebrows and lifted her chin so she was looking at him. She slightly flinched from the sudden contact.

"Hermione, tell me. I know something is wrong," there was a hint of concern in voice but she ignored it.

Hermione blinked stupidly at her Professor. He had just used her first name and in a half concerned tone. She looked into his black eyes and shook her head.\par

"There is nothing wrong," she looked at him scared afraid to reveal the dark secret she has kept for so long, locked inside of her that was yearning to come out.

Standing up she dashed out of the Potions room. She left Snape pondering and even more curious.

Hermione ran and cried. Finally she stop somewhere along the dungeon hall. She sank against a wall crying. She took out her knife, rolled up her sleeve, and left a few new marks on her arm. She buried her head in her knees, which were pulled up against her. Gathering herself up, she wiped her tears and stood slowly.

She walked to the Great Hall where she was to meet Harry, Ron, and Ginny for lunch.

She walked in and saw them immediately. The red heads gave away their precise location.

She put on one of her fake smiles and sat down next to Ginny and across from Harry and Ron.

"What did the Git want?" Ron automatically asked.\par

_Oh! Nothing...He was just concerned. He asked what was wrong with me ...ya right..._she thought dryly.

"Nothing much, Ron, just the usual. Talking to me about dozing off in class." the three stared at her stunned.

"Hermione Granger, doze off in class? I don't think so. Ok so what have you done with the real Hermione?" Ginny said astonished.

Hermione smiled a fake smile, "It was a long night."

They all shrugged it off unsure. Harry started the talking about Quidditch tryouts. Soon enough Ron and Ginny dived into the conversations and she was left out.

Looking at her food she sighed. _I can't eat...I eat I get fat, I get any fatter than I am now, he'll have another excuse to pick on me._

Feeling someone sweep past her she turned around and saw it was Snape. Her face paled slightly and quickly turned her gaze toward something else.

Picking up her fork she put something on it and she ate it. Not tasting it at all or even bothering to notice what is was.

After two more bites she pushed the plate away and thought about what had happened today.

_Why couldn't I keep my mask on while talking to him? What I didn't I to pay attention..._

Snape watched her from the table, trying not to be too noticeable, and saw how off she looked. He found it odd she was not eating. First not concentrating on her work and now barley eating. He knew he had to get to the bottom of this and soon.

Hermione dismissed herself from the table and walked from the Great Hall tears in her eyes wanting to be released again. She let them flow as she took the long way up to the Gryffindor Common room. Oh, how she could not wait to fall in to a peaceful sleep. Though she knew that was not going to happen.

Mumbling the password to the Fat Lady she slipped inside and up the stairs toward the girls' dormitories.

Changing and laying down on her bed she closed her eyes leaving her tears to dry on her cheeks.

* * *

**Author Note:** Thank you. If you or anyone you know is being abused in anyway (physical, verbal, ect.) I urge you to tell someone you trust. A teacher, a friend, a parent (thats not the one abusing you), or a counselor at your school, they are there to help you. Abuse _happens_, but only you can stop it.


	2. Boil and Trouble

**Author Note:** I'd like to thank my Beta-Reader. Without her you all would see a lot more mstakes.This _is _a true story with real events, so please respect this fact.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter and characters (yet) although I am stealing them (and altering them a little) for the purpose of this story only.

**_I like to dedicate this to my friend..._**

**_For letting me use her story and share it with the world..._**

* * *

Hermione awoke from her nightmare with a start. Looking around the room she realized she was safe.

Ginny came in, "Hermione C'mon! We are all waiting for you downstairs to go to breakfast."

Hermione grumbled and sighed, "I'm not hungry. Tell Harry and Ron I'll meet them in Charms."

Ginny nodded slightly and walked out.

Sighing she stood and felt her stomach grumble in hunger, pushing the thought of food from her head she climbed into the shower where she was once again lost in her thoughts. As she thougt she pulled out her knife from her shower bag and sliced twice, both hard enough to draw blood.

_Is it seriously verbal abuse? I mean I could be just saying that? Or am I trying not to believe it's true? I am so confussed. I wish I had someone to confide in... though when I get to that point I don't end up telling anyways. Am I protecting him or just afraid what people ill think of me?..._

Realizing that she had only ten minutes left untill class started she quickly used a drying spell to dry herself off. Quickly dressing and taming her hair she ran down the stairs and out of the Fat Lady.

As she turned a corner she bumped into someone dropping everything, not looking where she was going.

"Sorry." she looked up and saw Snape, Of all people it had to be him...

"Watch where you are going." he sneered at her.

Quickly picking up her things, not looking at him, she started walking again quickly. She realized as she neared her class her had not taken any points off of her.

Shrugging it off she walked into the classroom out of breath. Seeing an empty seat next to Harry she sat down.

"What kept ya Hermione?"

"I, uh woke up later than I would of liked and still had to take my shower."

"Oh. Well it looks like you made it just in time then."

"Ya, just in time."

Today was the boring reading and taking notes. Not for Hermione. Her stomach was causing her problems with concetrating.

She tried to block out everything and try to read and take notes. A sharp pain erupted inside of her stomach and clenched her hands around her stomach. She tried not to act too obvious so she wouldn't attract much attention.

"Ok class, for HomeWork you have a one-foot parchment on the chapter you have just read and takin notes on."

Everyone scrambled out of their seats and walked out the door. Hermione clunged slightly to her stomch, _I'm not hungry...I'm not allowed to be hungry..._

"You ok 'Mione?" Ron asked concered as they walked.

"Ya just a few cramps is all." she said hoping he'd buy it.

Ron's ears turned bright red realizing what she was saying,

Harry laughed and smiled, "Ready for Snape Ron?"

"Snape?" Hermione asked confussed.

"Ya, Snape we have double potions next. You sure you ok 'Mione? You seem to be a tiny bit off." Ron replied.

"Ya. You haven't been yourself 'Mione." Harry agreed.

"Naw, I'm fine. Just cramps and tired is all." they both looked at hershrugging it off not wanting to get into a discussion about periods.

Taking their seats Hermione sighed and pushed hunger and food out of her head.

Hearing his billowing robes Hermione knew that Snape was here and about to bark orders at the all.

"Turn to page 376. You have untill ten minutes to the end of class. Go!" he barked and sat behind his desk starting to grade papers.

Looking up from his papers Snape saw Hermione not concentrating again. He wondered what could have caused this.

He saw her face twist up almost as if in pain. What was wrong? He stood and decided to patrol and see how the students were doing and to see if he could fgure something else while on patrol.

He stopped at a couple of Slytherin tables and helped them and walked along. He saw Longbottom and saw that his and Weasleys potion was turning a light green when it was supposed to be a dark blue.

The potion was sure to explode anytime now. He whipped out his wand and made the contents of the potion dissapear, "Twenty points from Gryffindor each for an almost exploded potion. Weasly and Longbottom., seeing as though you have no time to start anew you will each write a two-foot essay on Dreamless Sleep potions and it's effects."

The Slytherins snickered at them and smirked.

Hermione didn't even seem to notice what happened and tried to get her mind on her potion. She saw that it was the dark blue it was suppose to be at this point and smiled slightly.

She was in the middle of stirring when her stomach chose this time to react once again. Her potion fell onto the floor spilling everywhere. It splattered the wall near her and the back of Snape's robes. She cursed herself mentally.

Snape turned around, "Miss Granger! What have you done?!" Snape yelled rounding on her. He took out his wand once more and cleaned the floor, wall, and his robes of it's contents.

Hermione flinched as she was yelled at and saw her stepfather in her Professor's place.

Tears quickly swelled up in her eyes as she tried to keep herself calm.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry si-sir." she said trembling.

"Thirty points from Gryffindor and see me after class to discuss your detention."

Hermione nodded and cleaned up her area from the ingredients. She shook as she did so and felt like crying right then and there.

Everyone walked out and Hermione once again remained.

Snape walked over to her and once again sat in front of her.

"Miss Granger what happened today?"

Hermione ignored him and her stomach growled in hunger and she blushed slightly embarressed.

"Sorry." she mumbled.

He looked at her worried, "Would you like something to eat Miss Granger?"

"No thank you sir. I'm not hungry."

"Your stomach doesn't seem to back that up." he said as he heard her stomach growl again.

She began shaking again. Tears formed in her eyes and shook her head.

"I am not hungry and I never will be again." Hermione stood up and gathered her things to leave.

"Tonght at 7 Miss Granger." he said before she left completely.

Hermione nodded and left for the second time crying.

He decided that tonight he would get it out of her, he just had to find a way. For he feared it would only get worse. He walked out of the Dungeons and to the Great Hall for lunch.

* * *

**Author Note:** Well there you have it, end of chapter 2. Reviews appreciated.

**Author Note 2:** If you or anyone you know is being abused in anyway (physical, verbal, ect.) I urge you to tell someone you trust. A teacher, a friend, a parent (thats not the one abusing you), or a counselor at your school, they are there to help you. Abuse _happens_, but only you can stop it.


	3. Weak

**Author Note: **This is my first Harry Potter story on here, so please don't hate. I'd like to thank my Beta-Reader. Without her you all would see a lot more mistakes. This _is _a true story with real events, so please respect this fact.

**Disclaimer (once again): **I do not own Harry Potter and characters (yet) although I am stealing them (and altering them a little) for the purpose of this story only.

**_I like to dedicate this to my friend..._**

**_For letting me use her story and share it with the world..._**

* * *

Hermione went to the Library instead of the Great Hall. She hoped she would be able to at least half concentrate there.

Her stomach had settled down some what and was adjusting to not being able to eat.

Snape looked down towards the Gryffindor table and saw Harry, Ron, and Ginny.

But to his dismay no Hermione.

He pinched the bridge of his nose wondering where she could possibly be instead of being there eating.

"Severus my boy what is on your mind?"

Snape looked over at Dumbledore and rolled his eyes growling under his breath.

"Nothing Albus, just the insufferable children."

Dumbledore chuckled and smiled. The same twinkle in his eye visible, as always.

Dumbledore scanned the Great Hall and noticed that Hermione was missing. Harry, Ron, and Ginny looked around confused not to see Hermione.

"That is odd, looks as though Miss Granger is not there."

Snape nodded, "Thank-you for that detail Albus. For all I know she's in the library fretting about her next class and how 'unprepared' she is. What an insufferable know-it-all." He made it seem like he didn't care, although he was deeply concerned at the moment.

Dumbledore nodded, "You are right my boy, that is probably where she is."

Finishing up his lunch, Snape excused himself and headed to the library to check f what he said was true. He didn't rush out of the hall, to be sure not to attract too much attention.

With Hermione

Hermione sat and stared at her Charms book trying to take her mind off her summer and her stepfather.

Setting her head down, she rested on her Charms book. Her eyes seemed to close automatically and she was pulled into a nightmare...

Dream

**Hermione ran down the hallway panting from lost of breathe. Her stepfather was chasing her from behind furious for some unknown reason. She cried as she ran afraid he'd get her and she was not sure what would happen if he did.**

**"Come back here Hermione."**

**"Nooo!" Hermione screamed back as she continued to run as fast as she could.**

**"Hermione", she continued running not stopping as she turned a corner not know where she was or where she was going.**

**"Hermione", the voice a little more forceful now. **

**Hermione continued running, "Nooo!"**

End dream

She woke with a start and saw Snape next to her his hand resting on her shoulder trying to shake her awake.

Panicking she flipped out thinking this was still part of her dream, "Get away!"

Snape looked at her surprised and tried to sooth her, "It's okay Miss Granger. Calm down no one is going to hurt you. You are safe here."

Not listening Hermione grabbed her things and fled from the library tears about to pour on her way out.

Snape growled under his breathe and prepared a tactic for tonight's detention.

Hermione ran, ran from it all. Tears streaming down her eyes blocked her sight so she had no idea where she was going.

Looking up she shielded her eyes from a bright light, the sun. She saw sparkling next to her and found the lake. Sitting down in defeat she wished so dearly for the darkness to consume her.

She wished for no more pain and to get away. She threw herself into the darkness wanting to die, right then and there.

_I can't let anyone see me cry. It shows I'm weak and I am not._

Her energy and anger pulsed through her veins. She calmed herself after a little while and realized in three hours she had a detention with Snape.

_I forgot all about that! He's going to ask about why I had reacted so badly. I guess avoiding eye contact and lying would be the best. I could always say I had a traumatic brake-up or somethinhg. Then he'll call me and 'insufferable-know-it-all-yearning-for-attention'. I don't and can't let him know, I don't want his pity, I don't want anyone's pity_._ I have already had enough._

Closing her eyes she heard footsteps behind her. She wiped her tears and put on a happy face.

_Please not Snape, anyone but Snape._

"Well, well, look what we have here. An alone, defenseless Mudblood" she knew that voice, Draco Malfoy.

"What do you want Malfoy?" she spat not turning around.

"Aw look here, Granger has a temper. Who knew," he snickered.

"Sod off ferret," she sneered finally turning to face him standing up.

"Where is Potthead and Weasle hmm...? No one here to protect the Mudblood what a shame. Tsk, tsk, tsk What, they finally ditch you?"

Hermione had enough. She stood up and looked at him fierce, "I said sod off Malfoy." she gave him a death glare similar to Snape's but more her own.

Malfoy eyed her, "I'd watch where your place Mudblood, because one step out of line and your done."

With a final glare he turned around and headed back to the castle.

Hermione watched him go away and rolled her eyes. _Stupid ferret_.

She looked at her watch and realized that it was dinner and her stomach happily reminded her. She might as well calm it down.

Walking slowly to the castle something caught her eye from the corner. She looked around but saw nothing. Just in case she grabbed her wand and held it at her side as she entered Hogwarts.

Entering the Great Hall she put on a ' I'm happy and nothing can change that 'smile.

Harry, Ron, and Ginny were fooled easily, too easy. They greeted her and laughed as her stomach grumbled to be fed.

Ginny smiled at her as she sat down across from her, next to Ron, Harry next to Ginny.

"Hey guys."

"Hey," they replied in unison which caused the three of them to laugh after they said it at the same time, while Hermione chocked out a small giggle.

"So what happened today with Snape 'Mione?" Ginny asked curious.

"Oh," she said sheepishly, "what happened was I was not able to concentrate and next thing I know my potion is on the floor."

Ginny gawked at her like the world was coming to an end or something.

"Shut up Ginny! It could of happened to anyone!" Hermione tried her best to put a honest smile in.

"Yeah, but this is you! You have always paid attention and have always paid attention and make no mistakes."

_Was I really affected that badly? So bad my concetretion broke?_

Hermione looked at all three of them nodding and was slightly shocked put pulled it together and put a happy smile on her face.

"Yea Her-o-ne," Ron said with his mouth full. He swallowed before continuing again, "You never ever make any mistakes. Your the best there is."

Hermione smiled brushing it off and avoided the eyes that watched her briefly from the Head Table.

With Snape

Snape watched Hermione carefully. She was plainly acting and wasn't doing a very good job at it if he could tell. He saw her face fall slightly in shock and then the next second smiling again.

He knew she was putting on an act, so this way no one would know. _At least she is eating again...slightly though._

She picked here and there at her food barely touching it at all. He saw her refuse to eat anymore after 5-10 bites and this bothered him. She usually ate more. Especially at dinner, he noted that this was one of the major meals of the students' day, due to the fact that this was their last meal untill the next day.

He knew he had to say something at the detention he had with her tonight. He put on his mask to show he didn't care and growled lightly before dismissing himself from the table. He went to prepare in the Dungeons for his detention and his tatic to get her to finally talk.

Hermione felt a breeze pass by her and noticed it was Snape and shuddered slightly, thankfully no one noticed as she brushed it off and delved into a conversation trying to forget her past and her near future. For she knew that he would want answers from her and she was not about to give them.

* * *

**Author Note:** Thank you. If you or anyone you know is being abused in anyway (physical, verbal, ect.) I urge you to tell someone you trust. I know it will be hard to do but there are people who _actually care_ about you and don't think for one moment that they don't becuase they do. A teacher, a friend, a parent (thats not the one abusing you), or a counselor at your school, they are there to help you. Abuse _happens_, but only you can stop it, and you are the only one that can over it. 


	4. Detention

**Author Note 2: **This is my first Harry Potter story on here, so please don't hate. I'd like to thank my Beta-Reader. Without her you all would see a lot more mistakes on here then there should be. This _is _a true story with real events, so please respect this fact.

**Disclaimer (yes once again here it is): **I do not own Harry Potter and characters (yet) J.K. Rowling does, although I am stealing them (and altering them a little) for the purpose of this story only. So please no sueing, it's not the answer.

**_I like to dedicate this to my friend..._**

**_For letting me use her story and share it with the world..._**

* * *

Hermione excused herself from the table and saw she had another half an hour left to her detention with Snape. 

Finding nothing better to do she walked to the lake, by now it was near dark and knew she shouldn't be out here for more than a few moments.

Sitting down, Hermione sat down against a tree near the lake and looked at the half moon reflection. Seeing birds flying overhead she sighed, _I wish could be free like a bird, free from all this pain..._

Reaching into her pack she pulled out a knife, running a finger over the blade of it she knew it wasn't a dull knife. She was glad.

_Maybe this, if anything at all, will take away the pain like it always had…_

She pulled up her left sleeve and saw all of her old scars, setting the knife down to her skin and she instantly felt how cool the blade felt against her slightly warm skin.

Running the knife across her skin, with just enough pressure to make it hurt, she gasped. She saw the line where she had cut, slowly turning red. She let out a sigh and pressed the knife down again, next to her previous cut, and adding more pressure just enough to draw blood. She smirked at the made it made and was grateful. She cut herself a few more times enjoying the pain so much.

_This is wrong Hermione,_ she kept telling herself.

_But it feels so good. _The cold voice, from the back of her head whispered to her.Hermione wanted to argue, but the voice was correct, it _did _feel good.

_I need it to survive, the pain that is. _How could she deny herself this pain? It felt too good to deny. She sighed re-placing her sleeve back into place. She just happened to take a glance at her watch seeing that she was 20 minutes late for her detention. Quickly rising she hurried her way to Hogwarts and through the twist and turns of the corridors.

With Snape

Snape paced the Dungeon floor of his classroom and looked at his watch, 25 minutes late,"Damn girl, keeping me waiting," he muttered to himself, _I wonder what kind of trouble she is in...If she is not here in the next 5 minutes, I'll go and search for her_.

He looked over at the dirty cauldrons and sighed, how the hell was he going to get the information from her? Veritaserum? He shook his head, he wanted her to trust him, not hate him more.

He listened for any knock and found none. He sat behind his desk and looked at the papers from the Third Years he was suppose to be grading, so he could hand them back tomorrow and ridicule them on how poorly they had done.

He stood aggravated and begun walking to and out the Dungeon's door.

With Hermione

Hermione ran through the halls and finally made it to Snape's Dungeon door. Before knocking, she tried to catch her breathe. While catching her breathe the door burst open and appeared a very angry and concerned Snape. She opened her mouth to talk but he cut her off.

"Now Ms. Granger, what has kept you from the detention you were suppose to start serving a half an hour ago?" he asked, with a hint of anger in his voice.

Apparently, the anger is all that seemed to reach out to her, for he saw her flinch slightly and cower away slightly.

"I lost track of the time," she gulped, "Sir," she added quickly before he could get moree mad at her.

Snape rolled his eyes and couldn't believe his situation_. Just my luck... _He thought dryly.

Hermione sighed with relief when she saw him begin to walk back into the classroom. She followed hurriedly to keep up with him.

Once inside she immediately saw the cauldrons and cursed herself mentally. She knew she would have to roll her sleeves up to clean them. She pulled her wand out to apply a Glamour Charm before he could see, but she was too late, he saw her.

"No Ms. Granger. You will be cleaning them without magic so hand me your wand."

She looked down at her wand and couldn't believe her luck. She handed it to him and he greatly took it. With a swish of his hand he said, "Go ahead and start." With that, he went to his desk and sat. He pinched the bridge of his nose part of him wishing he never had gotten into this. Though he knew he, as a teacher, had to do something if it came to his attention, also he made a silent promise that if he ever saw a child who was being abused or neglected, he would help them. He would not let her down, even if she was a Know-It-All.

Hermione began her work as he sat down and looked at her sleeves. She shrugged, so what if her clothes got ruined, at least he secret would be safe. She grabbed a bucket with water, a sponge, and begun working. She tried not to ruin her uniform, but she failed horribly.

Snape saw her struggled, standing he went over to her. When he reached her he saw her sleeves still rolled down and rolled his eyes, "Now, Ms. Granger, don't you think this would be easier if you'd just roll up your sleeves?" he asked his voice sneering.

She gulped and nodded, "Yes it would sir."

"Then why don't you do so. I'd rather your clothes not be ruined and start to melt away," he checked her and saw her shiver and shake. She was nervous, but why?

Hermione rolled up her right sleeve and slowly her left. The scars were visible, now that they had a chance to set in. They were red and beginning and slowly starting to heal. She tried to roll her sleeve up away from him and it worked until he shifted positions.

As he shifted slightly positions he saw red scars, new ones on top of old ones. He scanned them quickly, cut marks. He grew furious but only new it would scare her away so he clamed down. He knelt beside her and looked at her face, which was hidden by the loose strands of her hair falling in her face and the fact she was looking down.

Her stomach growled and she blushed lightly. She ignored it when she realized

Snape was kneeling next to her. She gulped and went to stand up but he held onto her shoulder.

"You are to stay," he said as gently as he could while keeping his voice strict.

He saw a tear drop onto the floor bellow out of the corner of his eye and paid no attention to it. "We are going to discuss this now Ms. Granger."

He stood her and guided her to a chair in front of his desk. She sat reluctantly, really not sure what to do. Spill all that happened or run for her life and hope he wouldn't catch her? She shook her head and could not bring herself to look up. Though when she finally did she realized there was an eerie silence that hung around and Snape was looking at her sternly.

"Would you care to explain yourself? Or would you rather I go get the headmaster now?"

She shook her head and looked at him with pleading eyes, asking please no to make her do this.

"You decide the easy or the hard way. The hard way will be forcing you to talk."

She silently cried and nodded slowly, half understanding. Her time was now and no way to prepare herself. She knew there would never be a chance to ready herself.

"Now tell me Ms. Granger why are you cutting yourself?"

Every instinct told her to lie, so that is what she did, "My friend from home is a cutter, sir. S-she couldn't stop. She wanted help from me, because she knew she could count on me. So we made a pact. I would start with her and we would go through it together one step at a time."

Snape eyed her suspicious but played along, "How long has your friend been cutting herself, Ms. Gr- Hermione?"

"A year sir."

"Has she made any attempt to stop?"

Hermione nodded stupidly, was he actually buying this? "Yes, plenty of times."

He eyed her and knew he would get more information this way, so he continued,

"When did you two decide to make this pact?"

"The beginning of this summer."

He nodded, "Then why haven't you stopped when you started school?"

She looked at him almost in shock. Maybe he wasn't buying this at all. She didn't even bother to answer.

"Than by now you should know how addicting the pain is, correct?"

She nodded looking away holding onto her scarred arm.

"Then would you care to tell me the true reason for cutting yourself?" he looked at her concern in his voice.

Hermione looked up at him and shook her head, "Th-that wa-was the t-truth si-sir," she stuttered.

He looked at her in disbelief, "It isn't the truth Hermione and you know it. I only ask you to tell me so I can help," he was growing tired of this game and quick. He was starting to get mad now.

Hermione knew he was getting mad and needed to escape with pain so she held onto her left arm, over her cuts and griped them hard, making them hurt. She flinched slightly but enjoyed the pain. She needed to draw her knife across her skin to feel the real relief though.

"I am and ex-cutter Hermione, I know what is like. I went through stuff as well as you are going through," he rolled up his right sleeve and showed her a few scars that had not disappeared over the years, "The scars hardly ever go away and the urge barely does. I want to help you. If I didn't care I wouldn't have kept you here."

Hermione shook her head not believing a word coming out of his mouth, even though she saw the scars to back up half of his words. She stood and walked backwards to the door shaking her head, "You don't know or care. All I wanted to do was help a friend," turning she ran out the door.

Snape sighed, so close, yet so far. She was back to lies and denial and he knew that he had to act quick if he was to save her at all.

* * *

**Author Note:** Thank you. If you or anyone you know is being abused in anyway (physical, verbal, ect.) I urge you to tell someone you trust. I know it will be hard to do but there are people who _actually care_ about you and don't think for one moment that they don't becuase they do. A teacher, a friend, a parent (thats not the one abusing you), or a counselor at your school, they are there to help you. Abuse _happens_, but only you can stop it, and you are the only one that can over it. 

Well please review! I'm not going to post another chapter untill I get a few more reviews and hopefully you guys will because I know a few people who are excited about this story. Your reviews give me the power to write.


	5. Red Droplets

**Author Note:** Even though you guys didn't review, I will not give up on this story. I am trying so have patience.

**Disclaimer (evil I know): **I do not own Harry Potter and characters (yet) J.K. Rowling does, although I am stealing them (and altering them a little) for the purpose of this story only. So please no sueing, it's not the answer.

**_I like to dedicate this to my friend..._**

**_For letting me use her story and share it with the world..._**

* * *

Hermione ran out the door and headed to the Astronomy Tower not thinking or looking where she was going. She didn't care she just wanted to run her knife across her skin. She panted and landed on the stone floor tired. Conjuring up her knife she held it in her hands. 

Her hands being shaky from her conversation with Snape made her cut more into her skin than she wanted to and gasped. She had gone way deeper then intended. Her arm beaded severely. She panicked and knew she was in no state to heal herself, and certainly couldn't go to the Hospital Wing.

Standing, her vision blurred, she begun walking wherever her feet took her. All she knew it was late so she didn't need to worry bout running into anyone. She collapsed in the hall, the feeling of the blood still pouring down her arm, the last thing she saw was a figure hovering over her saying her name.

She tried answering, asking it to let her die like she should before the was developed into the welcoming darkness.

Snape's POV

I rounded the corner trying to find Hermione. I knew she would go cut herself again after the episode in my classroom. I looked for twenty minutes and I thought I failed, when I remembered the

Astronomy Tower where I used to go to cut myself and hoped desbritly she was there.

I knew if she wasn't there I would be searching the castle all bloody night and that would put me in a very unhappy state of mind and knew the Gryffindors would be unhappy, I smiled at the thought and continued on.

I saw a figure coming from the Astronomy Tower, looking closer I sighed a breath of relief as I saw it was her coming from the Astronomy Tower.

I saw her stumble quite a bit and then I noticed the blood on the floor below her. I cursed myself for not locking the door and making her stay. I rushed over to her to catch her before she fell, I caught her just in time. I kneeled, with her in my arms, checking her over for any over cutting. To my slight relief I only found one,

but to my dismay it was a really bad one.

"Hermione," I whispered to try to get her attention to tell me something or anything for that matter, to make sure she was alright.

I heard her say something about dying and then she fainted from loss of blood.

I picked her up and carried her to my personal rooms. Knowing she wouldn't want to be taken to the Hospital Wing or to Albus and she'd hate me all so more.

Once I reached my personal rooms I layed the unconcious Hermione on my bed and immediately begun to work on her arm. I found more cuts than I had ever expected to find. I tended to her arm healing all of her cuts. Though I knew they would not go away, even with the help of magic. They had to heal on their own.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sent word to the Headmaster I would be taking the day off tomorrow to care for something personal. I know he would understand, after all this wasn't the first time this happened and certainly wouldn't be the last time either.

I looked at Hermione sleeping peacefully on my bed and her breathing back to normal. After I covered her I headed to the bathroom and ridded myself of my robes, shirt, and pants leaving only my boxers. Tossing my things to the side I headed for the couch.

Too tired and too stressed to think about transforming the couch into a bed I conjured a sheet and settled down into a restless sleep.

Hermione tossed and turned in her sleep whimpering lightly. Moaning a loud,

"No," here and there.

I snapped out of my light sleep and went to my room immediately, not even bothering to cover myself. I knew that she must been having a bad dream.

Dream

_**Hermione sat in her room listening to My Chemical Romance's CD 'Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge' when she heard the front door slam shut, signaling the return of her step dad. She growled under her breath and turned her music down, so he wouldn't yell at her.**_

_**She took out her notebook as her stepbrother came in a squirted water at her,**_

_**"Why you little," she growled and snatched the water gun away from him making him cry. She smirked lightly and all he did was punch her in the stomach. That was it she had it and lightly shoved him away making him cry harder.**_

_**Foot stomps came and in came her step dad drunk and mad. She gulped and looked at him as he begun to yell, "What the hell did you do now?!" he snatched the gun away from her like she did to her stepbrother, "Huh?!"**_

_**Her stepbrother immediately spoke up, "She hit me daddy."**_

_**Hermione got angry, "I did not. I simply pushed him away from me because he squirted me with the water gun then punched me in the stomach."**_

_**"I am sure. My son doesn't lie," he turned to his son and said in a gentle but urgent voice, "go ahead outside to play John, I must talk with Hermione."**_

_**John happily skipped out her door and shut it behind him.**_

_**As soon as John was gone her step dad rounded on Hermione, "Why did you hurt him? Do you enjoy hurting him?" he snarled getting closer to her making her back up into the wall behind her.**_

_**Tears welded up in her eyes as she shook her head, "No, but it was-"**_

_**"No buts!" he yelled interrupting her, "You better just hope I never hurt you," he snarled and left the room slamming the door behind him.**_

_**She stayed there silently crying.**_

End dream

Regular POV

Snape gently shook her awake whispering her name repeatedly but all she got was her pushing him away.

Opening her eyes quickly she saw a figure above her and screamed, "Go away! I won't touch him! Now just go away!" she cried and turned back into the pillow.

Snape placed a hand on her back gently and felt her flinch, "It's ok Ms. Granger your safe, no one can hurt you."

Hermione's eyes shot open and realized it was Snape and cursed herself. Turning around to

him she looked at him half confused, "Why are you here in my dorm sir?" she sad as calmly as she possibly could, for she was still shaking all over from her dream.

"I'm not in your dorm, you are in my Private Rooms."

She gawked at him stupidly, and just realized he was right as she looked around seeing it did not resemble her dorms at all.

She was in his Private Rooms on his bed! Then she looked at Snape stupidly, who had nothing on except boxers and ended up blushing furilousy.

She tried to sit up but felt light headed and he pushed her back down onto his pillow, "Don't. Lay back down. We will speak in the morning. Feel free to sleep in as long as you like, you are excused from all of your classes."

Hermione nodded and curled up back into a ball, hugging her knees to her as he left the room.

He came back in with a vial in his hand, "Ms. Granger I brought you a Dreamless Sleep potion," Hermione turned over and sat up slowly. She took the vial from him and drank it, "Thank you sir."

Snape nodded, taking the vial back, and started heading out again.

"Professor?" Snape stopped and turned around, "Yes Ms. Granger?"

"Thank you," she said stiffening a yawn.

He nodded, "Anytime," and with that he left the room leaving her alone in his bed.

Hermione saw him leave and shut her eyes and the first thing she saw was his face which made her open her eyes again quickly. She cursed herself mentally and searched for her wand, once she found it on the table beside her she conjured up her blade and held it in her hands.

She pushed up her left sleeve and cut where she did just a few hours ago and reopened the wound. She flinched at the pain but sighed at the relief. She was stuck addicted to the pain. Pushing harder she drew blood and watched it roll down her arm and onto the sheet. She hid her knife and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

**Author Note:** Thank you. If you or anyone you know is being abused in anyway (physical, verbal, ect.) I urge you to tell someone you trust. I know it will be hard to do but there are people who _actually care_ about you and don't think for one moment that they don't becuase they do. A teacher, a friend, a parent, a close family member, or a counselor at your school, they are there to help you. Abuse _happens_, but only you can stop it. 

About the My Chem, I am a huge fan, so don't hate .


	6. Pain comes in many forms

**Author Note:** Thank you for the people who reviewed! I appreciate it and am sorry if this story is crap. I am also sorry for the delay on this chapter. My Beta-Reader is in Peru at the moment and not exactly able to get to a computer like she usually could.

**(The bloody) Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter and characters (yet) J.K. Rowling does, although I am stealing them (and altering them a little) for the purpose of this story only. So please no sueing, it's not the answer, for this situation anyways

**_I like to dedicate this story to my friend..._**

**_For letting me use her story and share it with the world..._**

* * *

Hermione woke up and checked her clock, 9:30. She gasped thinking she was late for class and 

sat up quickly making herself light headed. She looked around and remembered she was in Snape´s rooms and memores from last night come flooding back.

The second thing she thought about was Harry, Ron, and Ginny. They probably thought something bad happened to her and she smirked at the thought. _Just wait to they discover Snape isn't in class today, then they'll be thnking that I was tortured or something..._

She saw a note on thebedside table and read it;

_Hermione,_

_I went down to talk to Dumbledore to excuse you for the day on personal business._

_When I return we will have breakfast._

_S.S_

Hermione groaned, breakfast equaled food, and food equaled gaining pounds, which equaled a fat Hermione. She suspected that he would return soon so she should leave while he was still gone.

Getting up slowly this time she gathered her wand and got out of his bed. As she did she saw her blood stan there from last night and with a flick of her wand it was clean. She sighed relieved that he most likely hadn't seen it and that she remembered to clean it up.

Walking out of his bedroom she entered what appeared to be his living room. She looked around and saw a bookcase, a sofa, and was surprised to find some muggle CD's scattered on his workdesk. Too curious not to look, she crept over and quickly examined them, they turned out to be; the first, second, and third My Chemical Romance CD's_, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love_,_ Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, _and_ The Black Parade._ She was in such a surprise she forgot about taking off.

She heard a door open and close loudly. She jumped realising that he must be coming back. She attempted to leave but as soon as she got to the door it opened and revieled Snape. She gulped and put on a fake smile, "Morning sir."

He looked at her, "In a rush to leave

Granger?"

She looked at him and her stomach began to growl. _Shit not now_. "I just thought that I would go up to my dorm and rest sir, I appreciate your help, but I am sure my friends are worried. So if you would please let me go..." He shook his head.

"I am sorry Ms. Granger but no. Breakfast has already been served and I think that you should have your breakfast and then we have a few things to discuss."

She gulped but nodded and moved to let him through. He walked in and shut the door motioning for her to follow him and she did. She followed him into a room with a table, which she assumed it was his sitting room. He motioned for her to sit as he summoned a house elf who appeared with a 'pop', "Breakfast for

two," the elf nodded and disaperred with another 'pop'.

Snape sat down across from Hermione and looked at her, "Sleep well the rest of the night?"

She nodded, "Yes sir. Thanks to you," he looked at her and she elaborated, "for giving me the Dreamless Sleep potion."

He nodded, "Yes, well you were having a problem sleeping. Would you care to explain your dream?"

Hermione looked at him and the the table, she was about to reject when the house elf returned with a 'pop' with their food.

He set it down on the table and left with another 'pop'.

The smell of food reached her nose and her stomach grumbled in hunger, _Why do_

_you have to tease me with food Snape?..._

Snape watched her, "You may begin eating, I assure you it is not poisned," he said as he helped himself to a piece of toast.

Hermione slowly reached for her glass of pumpkin Juice and drank trying to rid her hunger this way. Snape cast a glance at her and she kew she had to eat something to make him happy.

Though the thought of food appealed to her but also disgusted her. He stared at her so she picked up a piece of toast and ate less then half of it.

"I'm done," she said pushing her piece of toast away from her.

He shook his head and

piled two pancakes onto a plate and handed them to her, "You need to eat Granger and get some meat on those bones, you are becoming unhealthly skinny."

Hermione shook her head, "It's ok sir. I really am full."

Glaring at her he shook his head,

"There is no way you could be full. Teenagers, such as yourself need to eat properly," he scanned her over, "unless you are afriad to get fat because I assure you Gran-Hermione you are not fat. You were a good and healthy wieght before you started this stupid no eating diet."

Tears welded up in her eyes and she saw her stepdad before her calling her fat and that she needed to lose wieght. As he eyed her he knew something he said effected her, "Is that is Hermione? Your afriad to get fat?" she nodded slowly.

"Your not fat, you never were. Who stuck this ridiculous idea in your head?"

She shook her head as tears fell down her face, she need her knife. The urge to cut was happening again.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him move closer and sit in the chair next to her. He lifted her chin for her eyes to meet him, "Who?" he asked again.

"My stepdad," she murmerd barely enough for him to hear. He nodded, she must of been told this all her life for her to be this affected, "How long as he called you this?"

"I don't know. A while now. Ever since my dad abanded us and my mum married him I guess. Which was the year before I came to Hogwarts," she looked away ashamed of herself.

Snape looked at her, shocked, "Then if this started happening before you came here, then why haven't you done

any of this before?"

Looking up at him, her eyes full of tears, "I wasn't fully aware before I guess. It was always small jokes which I let blow over me. But it wasn't untill this past summer when it fully hit me."

Snape looked at her nodding and understanding, "Did her ever hurt you besides that?"

Hermione wanted to desperately to say yes but shook her head no, "No he hasn't."

He nodded, not really believing her but let it go. He had already gotten a lot from her already, "Go back to my

room and rest or you are welcome to my books."

Hermione's face lit up slightly at the sound of books, "I think I might take the second offer."

He smiled slightly and nodded, "Just make sure to put them back where you found them," nodding quckly

she got up and headed to his bookcase.

**Snape´s POV**

I watched her exit and thought about what she said and how she reacted to it. She seemed to be telling the truth for the most part but I knew there was more that she still wouldn't tell.

I summoned a House Elf to collect the remaining food and set off to my office to prepare tomorrow's lesson. I sat down at my desk for a few moments when Albus's head appeared in the fire. I sighed, what did he want to know?

"Why hello again Severus."

I nodded, "Albus."

"How is everything going along with the student? Well I assume?"

I rolled my eyes he has to know everything, "Well, but in every student I have dealt with before, there is still room for improvement."

I saw him nodding agreeing, "Yes, well carry on then. Oh and Severus do you plan to attend lunch with them or no?"

"No, I did not. I wish to keep them here today and then send her along their way after dinner. Though if you need me to attend lunch for some stupid reason I will, but they can stay here."

"What an excellent idea Severus, my boy. I will see you at lunch then."

Before I even had a chance to respond, he disapeared back into the fire. I pinched the bridge of my nose, why did I have to even suggest that?

I stood to go tell Hermione my plans but when I reached her she was sleeping peacefully with a book in her lap. I sighed lightly, at least someone was sleeping soundly.

I picked up the book and re-shelved it. After I picked up Hermione and realized she was way lighter than I had thought her to be. I shook my head and headed back to my room. Pulling down the sheet I layed her down and her sleeve accidently rolled up revieling the mark I had healed last night re-opened and dry blood on her arm. With a flick of my wand it was healed as far as I could heal it agan.

I left her another note on my bedside table I left to the Great Hall for an early lunch and to meet the Albus so he would shut up.

On my way there I ran into Hermione's friends. Weasley gave me a dirty look and is younger sister elbowed him as Potter approached me, _what nerve that boy has_.

"Sir, would you know where Hermione might be?"

I growled angrily, "No I don't know where the third part of your Golden Trio might be. Now move Potter before I give you a detention."

He moved immediately and I moved on sastified, and as I walked off I started hearing something about a 'greasy git' from the male Weasley, "Twenty points fro Gryffindor for insulting a teacher," I said as I walked away and I heard him growl in frustration, no it wasn't a day until I took House Points from Gryffindor.

* * *

**Author Note:** Thank you. If you or anyone you know is being abused in anyway (physical, verbal, ect.) I urge you to tell someone you trust. I know it will be hard to do but there are people who _actually care_ about you and don't think for one moment that they don't becuase they do. A teacher, a friend, a parent, a close family member, or a counselor at your school, they are there to help you. Abuse _happens_, but only you can stop it. 

Thank you for your reviews! Keep it up and sorry for delays.

I love My Chem, don't hate.


	7. Alone

**Author Note:** Thank you for the people who reviewed! My Beta Reader had just came back from Peru a little while ago and got straigh onto this chapter.

**Disclaimer:** You know the drill.

* * *

Hermione woke and looked around the room realizing that Snape had moved her. Groaning she sat up and saw yet another note;

_Hermione,_

_I went to lunch on the Headmasters wishes._

_While I am gone I would like to see you eat something._

_S.S._

Hermione shook her head and returned to the living room and sat on the couch and got the book she was reading earlier. She listened to see if anyone was coming.

Almost half way through the book Dobby appeared with a 'pop', "Mr. Snape wished for Dobby to bring the Ms. Granger some lunch," he said holding out a tray.

Hermione took it, "Thank you Dobby, you may go now."

Dobby nodded happily smiling. He excited with another 'pop'.

Hermione turned to her tray of food as her stomach grumbled. She saw sandwiches, soup, and potatoes as a side. There was no way in hell she would be able to eat all of that. Picking up half of a sandwich she bit into it and continued reading. She finished the half of sandwich and moved on to the potatoes. She ate less than half of the food and was full. Pushing the tray away she relaxed and let out a sigh. She was full very full and relieved at the same time.

She felt fat after eating all of that and tried to rid the thought of being fat but she failed miserably. She summoned her knife and ran the blade along her palms feeling how cool it felt. Rolling up her sleeve, she saw Snape healed her cut again. Determined she pressed the blade down and gasped as the pain welcomed her. She knew shouldn't but she couldn't help it.

She cut herself a few more time and watched the blood run down her arm. She wondered what her friends were doing. Did they miss her? She doubted it though. All they did was ignore her lately, she knew they didn't care and the only reason that she was kept around was because she was smarter then them. No one truly wanted her or wanted anything to do with her.

After re-shelving the book she went to his bathroom to wash the blood off her arm and knew the water going on her cuts would sting, but she needed more pain, or she would end up like last night.

She looked at herself in the mirror for the first time in a few weeks, she had gotten skinnier and she was beginning to look very pale. She shook her head at her reflection, and all her

reflection did was staring back at her, "It is you fault dear".

_Great now my reflection wants to nag me..._Hermione stuck her tongue out at herself and walked out of the bathroom where she saw Snape leaning against his bedroom wall, "Have a nice conversation with yourself?" he said with an amusing smile.

"No, not really. My reflection is annoying and wants to nag me."

He chuckled, "Well your reflection does reflect you."

Hermione stuck her tongue out at him, "Yes I know. Just wasn't thinking that far ahead." she looked at him for his smart mouth reaction, but got none. Instead his gaze shifted downward towards her arm which was still bleeding slightly.

"We have to talk now Hermione. Living room."

He walked ahead and seeing no way out she followed reluctantly and sat on the other side of the sofa from where he sat. She held her arm the entire time creating more pain.

"Tell me why you are cutting yourself."

"I told you professor."

"It doesn't seem that way Hermione, now don't lie to me."

Hermione new another lie would kill her even more, "I wanted to take away the pain from him calling me fat."

He gave her a stern look and she avoided it, "Is that all or is there more you wish to tell me?"

She shook her head, "No but I would like to leave and finish up some Home Work I still need to complete," she stood and began to leave as Snape stood in front of her.

"No you will be staying here. I want to help you, but you are not letting me."

Hermione stare at him, "No you don't your only doing this because you are required to by Wizarding Law. Now step out of my way and let me leave."

Snape looked at her almost in shock, "I do care Hermione, more than you know, or want to realize. But there are people out there who care about you. Your friends for example-"

"-don't care either. They could care less, the only think they like about me is that I help them with their work and that's it. They depend on me because of that. Your right I am just a insufferable-little-know-it-all," a with that she ran from his Personal Rooms silently crying.

Snape watched her go out and followed her out slamming the door to his Personal Rooms and his classroom. He saw a small trail of blood on the ground and knew she was getting worse.

**Hermione's POV**

I ran and ran not knowing or caring where I was going. I noticed that it was passing from class to class and that I might run into Harry and Ron.

I saw I was a few moments out the Transfiguration classroom and knew I would run into them and that there was no way I could even think of to avoid them.

I saw the red hair approaching and knew it was now I had to face them. So instead of them running up to me I ran up to them hastily pulling down my sleeve, "Hey guys."

"'Mione!" they both said happily in unison and smiled.

Harry was the first to ask, "Where have you been? What'd Snape do to you?"

I flinched, but covered it up well enough for them not to ask, "I scrubbed cauldrons and then left. But I wasn't feeling well so I went to the Hospital Wing."

"Ya, you don't look so good. Maybe you should head back up there," Ron suggested.

I smiled relieved that he mentioned me to go away instead of me making some stupid excuse, "Yeah your right. Well I'll see you boys later."

They nodded and continued on to their next class. I hastily walked down a few corridors to try to throw Snape off. I ended up outside the Room Of Requirement I sighed happy to end

up here of all places. Pacing back and forth three times I thought, _I need somewhere to hide, I need somewhere to hide, I need somewhere to hide..._ Until a door showed up and I entered before anyone had a chanceto see.

I closed the door and looked around smiling. There was a selection of knifes in one corner, a black couch, black walls, and red glowing candles, _perfect..._

I went over to the knifes and examined them, each very sharp. I smiled and traced one against my warm skin, the same sensation I felt every time. I knew this was all wrong that I had even started cutting myself and I knew I was in even more trouble now that someone had found out. I knew that I had to get him to shut up, but I couldn't threaten a teacher, never less the Potions Master.

I sighed and plopped down on the couch with the knife I selected and examined it. When I held it up to one of the candles I

gasped out loud, in shiny gold letters it read Salazar Slytherin. I wondered how I ended up with it in here. It was the most beautiful knife I have ever see though, it had two snakes curling up the handle for a perfect hand fit, a silver blade, and, of course, his name in shiny, skinny, gold letters.

Was I meant to have this? Or had I just stumbled upon it by accident? I knew there was some reason I stumbled upon it and I wished to know what it was. I saw a bookcase to my right that I didn't notice before. One of the titles that immediately caught my eye, it was _Ancestors of the Great Salazar Slytherin_. I picked it up and began reading.

I looked at my watch about what seemed like five minutes later and saw it read 8:20. During those few hours I found nothing. I cursed myself under my breath, twenty minutes past curfew, just great. I stood up and gathered my wand that was next to me and hesitated on taking the knife or the book. I knew I would probably be searched if found so I decided to leave them both their.

By the time I decided to leave them both there it was twenty-five minutes passed curfew. Slipping out the door I silently wished that it would be there tomorrow when I skipped Potions or some other class.

I looked around, the area being clear I ran for it as fast and silently as I could. I needed to get up to the Gryffindor Common Room and fast.

As I came to a stop in front of the Fat Lady I hastily whispered, "Godrric Dice," and stepped in. No one was up as far as I could see. Good but odd. I went up to the girls' dorm and found everyone sleeping, even odder. I shrugged it off, changed, and got into my bed. I closed my eyes and saw my tormentor. I pushed him away from my mind not caring.

I tossed and turned in my bed wondering where everyone was.

* * *

Well there it is. Don't forget the Deathly Hallows comed out the 21st! Yes we are all excited. Plus the 5th Harry Potter movie came out the 11th. It was great. If you haven't seen it yet you must try to. 


	8. The Dark Lady

**Author Note:** I apologize for not updating for so long. I have been busy with vacation, catching up on my studies (to get my permit), preparing for school, and going to a concert (Projekt Revolution, August 11th). I though I owed you guys a chapter since it has been a little while. Once again I apologize for the inconvienince. I hope you all can forgive me!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter and blah blah blah. You get the picture.

**_I like to dedicate this to my friend..._**

**_For letting me use her story and share it with the world..._**

* * *

Hermione woke up with a start and saw the clock read 10:15. _Great I only slept two hourse so far.._ She looked around and just seemed to notice tha no one was there and she found that strange. 

Getting out of bed in her PJs she ventured down to the Common Room and saw no one was there. Looking over at the event bulliten board she notced a huge orange sign;

**Halloween Ball!**

**Grab your costumes and dancing shoes because on Friday October 31st, Halloween night, there will be a ball.**

**The Ball will last from 8-12 PM. Curfew being extended untill 12:30 (for this one night only!)**

**The location will be in the Great Hall.**

**Drinks and snacks are provided for you.**

**Make sure all costumes are appropraite.**

**Thank you and a student can NOT have a susspension to attend. If you do you will be kept under a watchfull eye for the dance.**

**Thank you,**

**Deputy Headmistress**

**M. McGonagall**

Hermione looked at it in total shock. She had totally forgotten all about it! Rushing up to her room she though of what she could dress as. She had a few ideas; a vampiress, a killer, the Dark Lady, or a Queen. She managed to narrow it down to two by the time she was in her rooms. She remembered Ginny saying she was going as a Queen and a few others as a killer.

Finally deciding on a Dark Lady she firgured a long silky, black dress would do. Imagining it she waved her wand around her and saw it some to life. The black dress was indeed silky. It reached to her feet andit had a small train and showed the very top of her chest. Conjuring up her black robe she put it on and it looked perfect. She smiled pleased.

With another wave of her arm she added a small glitter charm so her dress wouldn't be black but it had a slight shimmer to it to tip it off. Sleeves ran along her arms clinging to them. Her least worry was her scars this moment thankfully. She thought of a crown to place on her head as she waved her wand around to make her hair do what she wanted. She made it into a neat bun on the top back of her head.

A crown appeared in the front and rested on her head. She smiled. It was a light gold that didnt attract to much attention with a black jewel on the point. She smirked pleased. Adding black eyeliner, blue and black eyesadow, and mascara. She had her nails charmed to be black too. She found her red pendant necklace and her red earings and put them on her neck and ears. She put her black high heels on afterwards.

Looking at the finished product she smiled ant headed down at 10:34. She saw no one in the halls as she approached the Great Hall an an eerie feeling set in. Her mind immediatley became buzzing with questions. What if Snape was there? How wll he react? What will he do? Pull me out? She shook the questions off and continued.

As she reached the door she saw Professor McGonagall.

"Name please," good she didn't regonize her.

Hermione giggled, "Hermione Granger."

She literally gawcked at her, which was a sight indeed, "Is that really you dear?" Hermione nodded slighlty blushing, "Well good hoice of costum Ms. Granger. Lucky for you you are the only one who chose to be a Dark Lady. Have fun dear."

Hermione smiled and nodded, glad no questions came up about her being late.

As she entered almost every head turned toward her. She blushed and spotted Ginny as a Royal Queen and Harry her King. She knew that her friend couldn't resist. She walked over to them almost all eyes on her still. Even the professor's were watching her.

"Hey all," she said as she approached Harry who was dressed up as a King, Ginny as a Queen, Ron as a knight, and Lavendar as a Vampiress. They all gawcked at her like she had something in her teeth. By now almost everyone had took their attention off of her.

"Hey, 'Mione. Good costume," Ron barley managed to say.

"Thanks Ronald. You look good yourself. You all look good."

Ginny looked at Hermione, "So I see you decided on Dark Lady after all. But you will never guess who is the Dark Lord."

Hermioe gulped, "Who?"

"Malfoy."

Hermione stared at Ginny stupidly, "Malfoy? You have to be kidding me!" she said almost yelling, a few heads turning their way.

"Yea. When we didn't see you earlier we though that you were in the Library doing home work. Or somewhere."

Hermione nodded, "I was around. Though I can't believe he had to come as a Dark Lord. Now people will think we planned this or something," she rolled her eyes and tried searching for the blonde.

The five of them sat at a nearby table when a 'swoosh' passed them causing them to look up, it was Snape. Hermione watched him as he glanced at her with relief but also pure anger. Had she made him worried? She shook her head ridding herself of such a stupid thought.

Hermione dismissed herself from them the go get a glass of punch. As got herself a glass she saw Malfoy out of the corner of her eye and coming straight toward her.

He smirked as he aproached.

**Dracos POV**

As I approached Hermione I had to admitt she had grown from an ugly girl to a beautifull woman. I walked over to her and smiled/smirked.

She sneered at me, "What do you want Malfoy?"

Ooo harsh. I smiled and held out my hand, "I wanted to see if _my Lady_ would honor her Lord in a dance," cheesy I know, but hey it was last minute thinking I was working on.

She looked down at my hand, "And what in hell's name makes you think I want to dance with my Lord?" she said sarcasm dripping in her voice.

I had no response except, "Because _my Lady_ wouldn't have dressed up as _my_ Lady in the first place."

She smirked and took my hand, "I'd be honored _my Lord_," I think she was enjoying this as much as I was.

I lead her onto the dance floor as a slow song came on, perfect...

I held onto her waist gracefully as I saw her place her hand on my shoulder and our other hands joined. The lights dimmed and the floor was empty besides us. I smirked, too happy at this.

We danced to the rythm, niether of us worried or taking our eyes of of each other. I felt the crowd, that had gathered, eyes on us. I could tell that Hermione could too.

Wait, did I just refer to her as Hermione. I mentally kicked myself, yes I did. Did I just think of her as more as a friend? Yes I did. I mentally cursed myself as I continued danicing.

**Hermione's POV**

I was shocked when he asked me to dance, so swiftly I added, "And what in hell's name makes you think I want to dance with my Lord?" making sure my voice was dripping in sarcasm.

He stared at me and cooly replied, "Because _my Lady_ wouldn't have dressed up as _my_ Lady in the first place," I looked at him trying not to laugh and my smile turning out to be more than a smirk. _Ya good come back..._

I thought about making him look stupid but I took his hand, "I'd be honored _my Lord_," I knew he was enjoyin this as much as I, I could see it on his face.

I heard a slow song coming on and saw a smile pass his face. I knew by the way he looked at me he thought I looked good. I also had to admitt it too, he did look good. I felt his hand gracefuly touch my waist as I place my hand on his shoulder and our other hands joined. The enitre dance floor was empty besides us.

I sensed the crowd, that had gathered, with their eyes on us. I glanced over to the professors and I saw Snape lookng too. He seemed mad but also a relieved at the same time, like when I saw him a few minutes ago.

**Snape's POV**

I watched as my godson, approached Hermione. I was curious and watched without anyone know. I had seen Draco dressed as the Dark Lord earlier and hadn't expected for Hermione to show up entirely or dress as a Dark Lady.

I was relieved when I saw Hermione when I finally ended my four hour search of her. Though she was going to hear from me if it was the last thing I would do and I think she knew it.

I saw Draco outstrectch his hand and a minute later Hermione take it. Draco lead her on the dance floor while everyone cleared out. They watched amazed as a Gryffindor and a Slytherin walked onto the dance floor hand in hand, as Lord and Lady. I was becoming amused by now, a smirk playing across my lips.

They locked eyes and I could see the fire behind both of their eyes. They readied themselves to dance and a slow song started.

They were dancing passionately, not as enimies would of, but out of a plan they had both conjured up in a few moments time. Though out of the corner of her eye I saw her look over at me for a brief moment and then continue on.

I watched as the song was coming to an end, and yet, no one but them were dancing still. I figured at least someone would have stepped onto the dance floor with their date and began to also dance. But, no, it was still just them. Perhaps it was the shock of a Gryffindor and Slytherin dancing together that made them forget everything.

**Normal POV**

Hermione and Malfoy stopped as the music came to an end. Everyone clapped a slow eerie clap. Hermione nodded and walked off the dance floor with him as some rock song came on. She smiled at him polietely.

Malfoy continued walking his hand still tangled with hers. They walked to his table where his main group of the Slyterin were.

He shot them a deadly glare when the started to object and they sat, "Now my Lady welcome to the Slytherin table."

Hermione smirked and looked at them all slightly wierded out by this as they were. The role of the Dark Lady seemed much more fun to play, then she had thought it would. "Why thank you my Lord."

* * *

**Author Note:** Yea, yea. I know he's out of charcter, sue me (don't really). But I am taking this time now to tell you all that my school does start the 20th of this month and I will try to update when I can. I will, for your sakes, update one more time before I start school..

Now you know the rest, so review!


	9. A way to peace

**Author Note: I bet you never thought you would see this story ALIVE again. Well either did I. I thought I was done with this story for once and for all (even though it was never completed)...but then a few things happened and I remebered this story and well...y'know. Here I am again. There are a few things I don't like about this story and there are things that I like. But as long as you guys enjoy it, that's all that matters...right? Well let us continue.**

**_This story is re-dedicated to the courage that people have found._**

* * *

Pansy shot a death glare at Hermione, intent on killing her but only stayed put because of Draco

Pansy shot a death glare at Hermione, intent on killing her but only stayed put because of Draco.

Hermione relaxed a bit and saw from a distance as Harry and Ron watched her and where debating on to come over or not. She could see this second the most likely come over. They need a life those two...

Malfoy noticed her turn in direction and gave them a dirty look that brought them over to her immediately.

Hermione rolled her eyes and watch them approach.

Harry was first to reach them and talk, "C'mon 'Mione, lets go back to our table."

Hermione opened her mouth to voice her opinion when Malfoy stood up and cut in, "And what if she doesn't wish to Potthead?"

Ron finally approached now far behind, "Because you took her over here."

"She came willingly. Plus I'd like to talk to my Lady," he had made sure to stress the word my quite a bit which made Hermione smirk as she rose.

"Stop it you two," that shut Ron and Harry right up, "I came here by my free will," she glared daggers at them, "any problems with that?" she slightly sneered.

"What ever you say your-pain-in-the-ass," Ron sneered back and stalked off with Harry.

Hermione rolled her eyes, emotions boiling up inside her. She needed her knife and she needed it now.

She turned to Malfoy, "Excuse me for a moment," she walked away and out of the party.

Hopefully she could find a sort of place to sit in peace and cut. After ten more minutes of walking she found and empty classroom and went in grateful.

Leaning against the wall she went up her left sleeve, fetched her wand, and conjured her knife.

Rolling up her sleeve a bit she pressed down on her skin creating a new cut. She drew it across her skin hard and smirked. It felt so good. She repeated this two more times and on the same cut. It was now bleeding.

Waiting for it to dry she heard/saw the door open and she gasped. It was Malfoy. She quickly hid her arm behind her back, "What?" she asked in an almost whisper.

He eyed her suspicious, "Professor Snape came looking for you when you were gone and I told him you left. He actually looked half worried when I said that and asked me to help find you."

Hermione should of known that Snape would come look for her. She sighed and looked at the ground, what the hell was she suppose to do now?

Malfoy stepped closer and grabbed her arm that was behind her back, and put them in front of her to see. She didn't try to fight against him that would only make it worse, her situation that is.

She looked away as she got full view. All she heard was he gasping.

"Granger," his voice faltered, "you cut?"

She nodded and sunk to the ground. He removed the knife from her hand and threw it across the room away from her. He kneeled in front of her.

She wanted to die right there and then before this went any farther.

Malfoy took out his wand and healed her cuts as far as he could and cleaned the blood from her. He looked into her brown eyes still surprised.

"I never thought I see the day when a member of the Golden Trio started to cut themselves."

Hermione gave him a dirty glare, "O shove it Malfoy and just let me go. I know you don't care, along with Snape, or my friends. So just leave me alone."

Malfoy kept her in her spot net letting her move, "You honestly still think I'd be here if I didn't care?"

Hermione looked at him and shook her head, "It's just that you don't give a white rats ass about anyone but yourself or any other house besides your own."

"That's an image I have to live by for my father, he'd kill me if he knew what I was doing now. But that doesn't matter. So would you like to talk? Or shall I get Snape?"

Hermione sighed, "I can't deal with this anymore. Almost my whole life I have lived with all of this, but it's building up, my emotions that is," she looked at him he was listening.

"I exploded one day and knew about cutting so I tried it. I tried it and fell into it. I heard about how addicting it is, but thought I could overcome that. I know now that I was wrong."

"Why did you start?" he slowly and lightly asked.

"Because I couldn't stand the pain my step dad was causing me anymore," her eyes begun to tear up now, "he called me names for so long. Right before I started Hogwarts. Though another name for it would be verbal abuse."

She wondered how she could just spill it all to him. She felt so confident and that he wouldn't judge her at all.

Malfoy sat beside her and held her chin up for her to look at him, "It's ok now Hermione. You have me, Severus; I am sure your friends too. More importantly I have your back."

She shook her head, "Not my friends, that's just our image," she let her tears flow freely not caring anymore. She just realized that he said Hermione not Granger.

He chuckled, "Ya and it sucks too I bet."

She nodded agreeing, "Ya it does."

"But like I said I am here for you," he wiped away her black tears, "my Lady."

Hermione smiled and hugged him grateful. To her surprise he hugged back and soothed her by rubbing her back.

She was the first one to let go and looked at him, "I'm sorry I got your costume dirty and I probably look like a mess too, huh?"

He laughed, "It's alright, nothing magic won't fix," he flicked is wand twice cleaning himself up and her too.

"Thanks Mal-" he put a finger to her lips, "Call me Draco."

"Ok. Thank you Draco," she said giggling.

He kissed her cheek causing her to blush, "Your welcome Hermione."

He stood up and helped her up and linked hands with her again.

As they walked out they saw Snape, "Found her," Draco said as they walked out.

Snape glared at the both of them, "Well I am glad. Now would you mind telling me what you were doing Hermione?"

Hermione opened her mouth to say something but Draco interrupted her, "Everything is taken care of sir," Hermione nodded smiling re-assuring him.

Snape nodded and pinched the bridge of his nose, how did her get mixed up in these things?

Hermione giggled and lead Draco back to the party since they still had an hour.

They walked back in while Hermione was smiling. Harry ad Ron looked over shooting Hermione dirty looks. When Draco saw he pulled Hermione with him, not wanting her to see them.

"Would you care to dance my Lady?" Hermione giggled and nodded and noticed her favorite song was coming on, 'Cemetery Drive' By My Chemical Romance. She smiled and pulled Draco onto the dance floor and began dancing.

After a minutes wit non-stop dancing they mad there way back to Draco's table. Hermione sat down and panted.

"Like that song?" Draco asked after.

Hermione nodded, "Yeah. I also love the group, even though they are muggles, they are still cool. They just know how express themselves."

Draco nodded, "Ya, I know," Hermione looked at him shocked, "What do you mean by 'I know.'"

Draco smiled, "I have their CDs. I let my Godfather borrow the first two."

"That would explains why they are there then," Draco gave her a questioning look, "I saw then on his workbench his Private Rooms," she made sure to whisper the last part.

Draco nodded. He looked over at her and smirked, "You know how beautiful you look as my Dark Lady?"

Hermione giggled thinking that he was joking. Then she realized he wasn't after he didn't laugh with her and she blushed, "Am not."

Draco leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Yes you are, very beautiful."

"Well Draco Malfoy, you sure know how to make a girl feel special now don't you?" she said still giggling.

He stretched and nodded, "Yea I do."

She knew he was just kidding so she let it slip.

As the night went on they danced more and even had a civil conversation. Hermione felt happy for the first time in a while.

Draco saw that people had started leaving since it was already almost 12. He stood Hermione up, who yawned, and began walking with his arm around her waist. Hermione paid no attention all that much, all she knew was that she was at the party one minute and then at the Fat Lady, she didn't even want to know how Draco knew where it was.

Facing him Hermione smiled, "Thanks again Draco. For tonight and you know..."

"No problem Hermione. Any time. You need to talk anytime I am free. Even in the middle of the night," Hermione began to protest but he silenced her with a finger on her lip, "Don't even think about it. I said it is fine."

He handed her a small mirror and she took it, "What is it?"

"It's a two-way mirror. We can communicate whenever one of us needs the other, ok? All you have to do is say my name and all I have to do is say yours."

"Ok."

"Or if you get an urge, I want you to contact me. Even the slightest urge," he pushed a loose hair from her face and to behind her ear, leaving his hand there caressing her cheek.

She nodded leaning into his touch, "I promise."

He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips and she kissed him back gently, "G' Night Hermione. See you tomorrow."

She nodded, "See you tomorrow," she watched him leave and after he turned the corner she mumbled the password, "Sword bravery," and walked in.

She went straight to the girls' dorm ignoring all the looks she was getting. Once in her dorm she waved her wand around her and transformed everything into sleeping wear after she removed the jewelry.

Lying down in bed she placed her mirror fro Draco on the pillow beside her and fell asleep with a smile on her face and a load off her chest.

* * *

**Things happen to people. We are faced with difficulties each day. But lets leave the knife or the razor in thr drawer and look for a better day.**

_If you or someone you know is being abused in anyway. Help is always there. I don't care if that person will hate you afterwards. Because they will be safe._

_Or if you or anyone you know are harming themselves. Help is always there. Here is a very good website(s):  
_**yellowribbon .org** (DONT PUT A SPACE BETWEEN **yellowribbon** and **.org**! I only did so so it would show.) _or_ **twloha .com** (DONT PUT A SPCE BETWEEN **twloa** and **.com**! I only did it so it would show.) (ToWriteLoveOnHerArms -twloha- is a project to help people deal with cutting ect. It is NOT a direct help website. They provide sites. But they are a very good. Go ahead, read the story.)


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